🔗 Share this article

Personally crave wisdom from others on dealing with middle-aged struggles, for example existential reckonings, waning significance, developing a neck akin to a surrealist painting plus a fresh interest about property shows. Most recently, I came across Jamie Oliver’s words on turning 50 via a discussion: “To thrive in life’s later stages, you must cut out distractions,” he explained. “Surround yourself with uplifting friends. I’m dodging pessimists – ‘fun sponges’ – and improving at refusing requests.”

At first, I pondered: doesn’t this conflict about evading pessimists and honing one’s rejection skills? Could that imply he needs to dodge his own tendencies? I realize – that’s typical energy vampire talk, and I admit I fit the description. Although in our community we actually prefer the expression “energy vampire”. Please avoid “wet blanket” or “fun sponge” too – all this comparing us to utilitarian household items is offensive; we have feelings (albeit mainly negative ones). In a bind, I might tolerate “melancholy luxury blanket”.

It’s possible you’re also a member. Are you often the gathering’s pragmatist instead of its enthusiast? When you give an exhaustive answer to “How are you?”, does the other person slowly retreat? Do proposed “enjoyable” plans trigger a visage akin to having ingested something unpleasant? Do you see yourself in gloomy figures; has a spiritual reader mentioned your vibe is murky?

If this describes you, you’re in our ranks, and that’s acceptable. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. I imagine a negative type would have voiced caution – or pulled a disapproving expression – when Jamie mentioned his children’s book idea featuring an Indigenous protagonist without proper consultation, potentially averting numerous issues, hurt, and anger. That level of honest feedback is rare among “upbeat” individuals.