These Advice from A Parent Which Rescued Us as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who still absorb damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of failure to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the chance to take a pause - going on a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the body - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."